26

When I started this blog roughly 2.5 years ago, I was 23. In grad school just dying to graduate. I was lost. Lonely. Confused. And to be honest, I can't say a whole lot has changed. Well, except for my age (I just turned 26 two days ago) and the grad school part. I graduated and now...well, I don't wish I was back in school...but I just wish I liked my job a little bit more. Well, I wish I liked it alot more, but I'd start with a little.

I stopped blogging. I don't know why. I think because I lost a desire in me to write. A sort of confusion between what was interesting without being too personal. In college, when all of my friends and I had "livejournals," writing was my therapy. It was pretty much how I got through. Livejournal and alcohol. Often enjoyed together.

I doubt anyone will read this blog, but I feel this need inside me to write again. About topics still unknown even to myself. I will be deleting some, possibly all, of my previous posts. I thought about making a new blog altogether, but to hell with it. In my mind, I'm still 23, some days I'm still 13. Today, I leave you with this link to the song "Fire" by Augustana. I think it's a beautiful song and I keep trying to find my own meaning in the lyrics. As always, anyone's input is welcome. It's good to be back.
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decisions

doesn't it always seem that right when you think you have your life figured out, the direction you want to go, a day goes by, and you're left wondering if that's really what you want?

i've made it very clear that i want to move to georgia when i graduate in may. i want to move near my aunt and uncle and cousins and meet new people and stay away from winter! i know that i'll always be close to my friends from nwi because i've survived 6 years of college away from them and we are still close as ever. nothing will ever change that i believe. and up until about a month ago, i really had no desire to stay up here in milwaukee, simply because i don't really have super close friends here.

things change. i still want to move to georgia, but i'm contemplating staying here for another year. my roommate will still be here finishing up her masters. my 2nd year friend is deciding to stay here to complete her cfy, and my 1st year friend will still be here finishing his masters. it is only 3 people, but we have such a good time and they all are encouraging me to stay. so much that i'm actually going to a milwaukee public school job fair thing on friday. to top it off, one of my home bff's has a pharmacy residency interview up here. she has interviews all over, but if she decided to work up here..my god.

but i still really want to move to georgia. and i've been applying to jobs down there and people are interested and ready to set up interviews. it's just, not quite as exciting when i think about leaving my 3 people behind.

i just hate this. i thought i had it all figured out and now i'm just confused all over again. and i NEED to figure it out quick because in a few weeks, it's going to be prime time to start seriously finding a job. ugh.

she wants her nails painted black

I freaking love this song by Dierks Bentley. This complex person that doesn't even truly know everything about herself, but just wants to go all out in life making it what its worth. All I want it to feel alive. To not be stifled by classrooms and exams. I want to get in my car and drive across the country like nothing else right now. Music blasting. Windows down. Left hand out the window. And dammit, I miss my old car and its sunroof. I want to feel that fire.

Thank God for the few people in this state that I can let loose around.

On another note, I applied for a job today. And while for some, this might seem like I'm settling down. For me, it feels alot more like an adventure.

hope

As I reflected on MLK day today, I can't help but wonder what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. is thinking about tonight. The eve of the first African American US President. I wonder if he feels a sense of fulfillment, that he did not die in vain, that maybe for the first time in a long while, Americans are recognizing this holiday for more than just a day off of school. To be honest, the color of Barack Obama's skin continues to be a nonentity in my support of him, but I certainly realize how monumental this moment is for African Americans.

For the first time in my 24 years of life, I am excited about our great country's president. I know Rome wasn't built in a day and the world won't turn into the Garden of Eden tomorrow after he is sworn in. I know people say he doesn't have enough experience for this job, but if experience means doing what we've been doing over and over again, then experience isn't working. Yes, Obama is an eloquent speaker, but to say that his words aren't important is ludicrous! When was the last time a great leader didn't use words to lead? For those who say Obama supporters only drink the "Obama Kool-Aid" or are a part of the Obama cult, I like to think that cult is called America. I know everyone does not feel the same way, but I will be going to bed tonight, I mean this morning, with a smile on my face because a new chapter starts tomorrow.

"Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. Because it's only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential."

"We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."

this kid has made my day

There was a kid in my sister's preschool class that behaved similar to this kid. We have it on video tape, and half of my sister's class ends up crying because the kid was freaking them out.

I really enjoy how 41 is full of potholes and semis going over them cause my bedroom to shake. Really fun. I'm sitting here and it's like an earthquake every 5 minutes.

I am really afraid that I'll get attached to some of the people in the nursing home I'm gonna be at this semester and they'll die. I don't do well with death. Or goodbyes. Or transitioning in general.

end of break blues

I have found myself to be in such a funk the past few days, something I am familiar with, and despise.

Earlier, I was browsing through my old livejournal that I wrote in pretty regularly throughout my 4 years of college. It took me back, way back, through the crazy drunken freshman nights, through the lows and highs of sophomore year, through my adventures of being in love and losing my junior year, and through my struggle to maintain normalcy in a life that I swore wasn't mine senior year. What a journey it has been.

The site of this book makes me ill. I am so over studying for the praxis right now, it is not even funny.

I love guitar riffs. And classical music. And sweatpants.

I really want to go on a road trip.

I have a new obsession...

HOCKEY!

Seriously, hockey is such a bad ass sport! I love this local team called the Chitown Shooters (I am home from Wisconsin for Christmas break) and today I went to my first Blackhawks game at the United Center. So much fun. And I actually understand (some) rules.

Please pray for me because I have to take the speech pathology praxis test on Saturday. aaahhhhh.

I cannot believe my final semester of school starts in 1 week. And a semester full of neurological crap. Help me Jesus!